January 2009
a face not even my mother could love.
So, today I was reminded of how incredibly unfortunate looking I am (read: UGLY). Fantastic.
You know what? I get it! I’ve never been very pretty at all! I’ve known that since I was a child! And guess what? I care immensely! I really don’t need to be reminded that I’m hideous, alright? So, if we could back the fuck off and not talk about it, it would be really,...
torture by photograph
I looked at the photograph of P again today. This time I did it to myself! I told myself I would no longer look at photos of P on Facebook, not the old ones printed out in my room, not ANY of them, but I did!
I like the feeling of looking at P again. P’s body, hair, smile. P is beautiful (especially in that one photograph that has been killing me)!
I can’t handle the guilt, though....
an ode to misch
Mischka,
You are perfect. You make me feel better when things are bad. I love to cuddle with you, and I think you give the best hugs. Your green eyes pierce my soul, and I can’t say no to you.
After a long day, it’s nice to settle down on my bed with you, and watch Audrey Hepburn movies (because those are your favorite), even if you end up falling asleep. Thank you for staying up...
not myself today.
Dear Diary,
I saw a photo of P yesterday, and my heart skipped a beat. What’s wrong with me?
Love, Confused
P.S. AND I could feel one little butterfly fluttering around in my stomach. It was small, but it was a butterfly! Right?
Note: P stands for “Person”, because I can’t even bring myself to write the first letter of their name!
random ramble before bed.
Sometimes I fall in love with moments, instead of people…
but I know that I love you. I know it’s not a phase, and I know phases well (NOFX, making out in staircases at Sunset Place, Care Bears, Tolstoy, etc.). Today I was reminded: it is LOVE, man! LOVE! The greatest, most beautiful thing in the world! And I have it… with YOU! Damn.
turqoise... or aqua. as long as you're there.
Long, dark, flowing hair. Our bodies glowing like sunsets. Like the sunsets in our photographs, the ones that are becoming sepia-toned, with the edges beginning to rip. Under the turqoise ocean, you shine. Your lips stained with raspberries, your skin is smooth and pale. You smell like the beach all the time. It’s like I’m not supposed to touch you. Like you belong in a little glass...
alphabetizing.
You know when you screw up, and you didn’t mean to, but it ended up happening anyway and even though people forgive you, you can’t forgive yourself for a while and all that time it’s like you’re alphabetizing. It may not even be that bad, but you still take the time to put things back into place, except this time you’re not mixing anything up. For a while, you just...